Facebook M.I.B.?

THERE's been a number of posts that I read in the last few days saying their FB accounts have been “locked out” or demobilized, some posts deleted. If this is really happening, so be it. This is essentially a free media venue or an “open” public/universal forum. We should realize that someone is in-charge of “keeping the house” via standards that they are trying to instill, probably. It's their house. Meantime, I do recognize the good things that Facebook and social media offer. One huge advantage/benefit of FB (Twitter etc) is the presence of a flowing exchange of thoughts and publication of work and info-sharing that were not as easy and accessible before. Old school media was a specialized profession--which means, a byline is earned by way of a news story that was gathered out there and was deliberated by a board of editors before publication. An eagle-eyed scrutiny of articles. Once a faulty report comes out, the newspaper runs the risk of a libel case and/or the ruin of a journalist's career. It'd be hard to find another writing job again if a report was proven to be fabricated, distorted or made up.

          The major disadvantage of social media-fed news is—there is no way to edit or filter all these infos and “facts.” One survey says this, the other study debunks it. Videos are staged, visuals are photoshopped. Anyone can blog as a so-called sexologist, psychologist, or some “expert.” In fact, “legit” news on Yahoo are actually based on click frequency and “trending” behavior and not because it is news, per se. One needs to figure things out if a news item is a sponsored advertisement, a political campaign fodder, an opinionated take on some issue, or actually the traditional/conventional 4 Ws and 1 H of journalism. Worse, the freewheeling and nonchalant way how people converse or argue in social media equals the way drunks and stoned individuals banter. There seems to be no way to put a break on these—especially on this season of election/s. An obvious derogatory meme or an apparent bogus data come out so fast and shared quickly globally that there's no way to control it.

          Let's go back to our eWonderment. Are some FB accounts really been “locked out” or demobilized, and some posts deleted? Could be or maybe it's true. Yet I don't see it as “censorship.” I struggled with that at the height of my long journalism career back home. Yet I don't think this is censorship—it is a simple case of “Let's put some breaks a bit.” There's been a lot of obvious false and misleading/destructive infos pertaining to elections (here in the US and in the Philippines) and the people involved as candidates that I read in the past few months. And the way how people talk? Damn, it's like a damned nasty relationship fight or bar-room brawl. Cuss words, curses of all kinds. Thing is, we always howl about the right to free speech. I get that loud and clear. But free speech doesn't say mouths and language running berserk. The words “rude” and “abusive” and “judgmental” that we so love to accuse or caution people about are splattered all over Facebook like that's actually how humans talk?

           I don't want to overthink the “lock out” or demobilized accounts and deleted posts. Facebook is still a free venue to one and all. Yes, it isn't actually free because we pay for internet connects, but you know what I'm saying. I try my best to post what I deem as alright—within and around the boundary of rational chat and light fun—for my kids and schoolchildren, Christians and Pagans and Muslims, Republicans and Democrats and Communists, and Americans and Filipinos and Koreans and Kenyans to enjoy. When you think about it without overthinking, it's a no brainer.

Love Gained, Love Lost, Loving and Leaving

IN the past few weeks, I've been kind of talking or helping out three longtime friends who've been painstakingly laboring over their respective relationships/marriages. Two are married, one is single (or supposedly “engaged”). Sadly, in almost stunning coincidence—all of them finally broke up this week. I didn't know if my words did matter but I tried to objectify situations and stuff. Yet I know whatever I said were simply buffers or respites from the turmoil. They decided because they had to.

          A relationship, despite the glowing promises of the courtship/honeymoon phase, is not a picnic by a serene beach. Mostly (due to physical realities beyond the “I love you”) it is a raft jaunt amidst a turbulent sea or a rollercoaster ride that refuses to stop. Yet that magical glue called love keeps two together and consign all the challenges and hardships to the backburner. Love will find a way. There could be nine staggering “dealbreakers” in a relationship—more than enough reasons to end it, yet that one item, LOVE, negates everything.

          That's the case with my friends. Or in my case, as well—not just faults and wrongdoings by my ex but also mine. Yet some are able to soldier on and survive the darkness, no matter how overwhelming they were, and celebrate their 20th or 30th, 50th wedding anniversaries. Some don't.

           So when people finally broke up and ended it, that is the time—after few days of reflections and ruminations—that they'd say and realize that they couldn't stand her/his ways and lifestyle, mode of thinking and general attitude anyway. And love wasn't strong enough to find a way. Reason and smart-sense set in. Time to regroup and replan... And move on.

          Moving on is only possible in humility and surrender though. The ability to accept that a failed relationship was a two-person accountability. There is no sense pointing fingers that it's all her/his fault why it didn't work out. People's reflex and response, I believe, is ushered by the situation and circumstances in and around. And that situation/circumstance is the relationship. A partner could either make a person a better individual or the worst that he/she could be. If it failed, it's because the relationship failed—not the person per se. It's a two-person teamwork.

          So we move on with the hope that the other person enters a new world where she/he can improve on things that needed it, realize potentials, pursue delayed plans, achieve dreams—and maybe find another partner that could really add real meaning to the word, synergy or compromise/negotiation. We move on with the hope as well that we realize the same positive, pro-active and output oriented life, and love. Worse that could happen is—for one or both to self-destruct after the breakup.

          Bottomline, life doesn't end after a breakup or divorce. It is just a shake up leading to a new beginning.

All the Love in your Heart

THIS little rumination is meant to friends who asked for my thoughts in regards the subject of love gained and love lost—as though I am a shrink or Dr Phil. Well, I am not—I just write silly love poems, that's all, LOL! 

          WHEN two people break up, many times we hear one accuses the other of being a loony or crazy or “not well” (schizophrenic, bipolar, passive-aggressive etc etc), and vice versa. Of course. Let it rip, for the time being—that is frustration, disappointment. But when the smoke has cleared—try to understand that there are two people that got entangled in such a bittersweet mess, not just one. So when either starts pointing fingers, we say, oh well. That is the hard part—how to get up from the accusations, harsh condemnations, and still believe that you are still significant, beautiful, and worthy to love and be loved. If you are deeply affected by his/her vitriols just because the relationship didn't work, then you remain a broken person, a failure, a piece of trash. Which you are not, unless you are committed to mental asylum after the fact upon diagnosis. But maybe you are a beautiful human being within, it's just that the perceived chemistry or attempted synergy didn't work.

          Humans are a bunch of expostulating atoms, unpredictable hormones and hot/cold body fluids—at the same time, we are a set of sensibility and sensitivity that act and react to given situations and circumstances. Relationships are not easy... That active atom, that innate ability to love can always find its fit when it fails—you can still find a parallel wavelength and aligned energy. Don't give up... Situations didn't work out, situations that many ignore or downplay in favor of the blades and missiles hurled as both vainly try to survive a gasping relationship. When you lose this one, move on—don't listen to whatever is hurled by a finished relationship. It's over.

          If you believe you have beauty in your heart, then let it be open—one way or the other one will enter again. Or maybe there's someone out there that you may have ignored because you were so busy exploring what you thought was the real thing... Let love heal, don't let human foible open wounds. Heal with the next shudder in your chest, don't break. Meantime, be happy, while alone. I recommend, cook yourself a nice paella, uncork a chardonnay, and go check out Netflix. Spring is here. 

Loss and Love

“CAKE” (2014, Jennifer Aniston film) is an emotionally-charged little indie movie that deals with pain—from physical wound and most especially, pain from the loss of a loved one. Loss of a son. It could also be loss of wife, husband, mother, father, very close friend. This kind of pain, although I may not have experienced the deepest of it, I believe—is a pain that is the worst. It's like you are alive but “dead” inside. I lost my mom in 2005 and still, I am grieving her—yet I couldn't imagine losing a child forever. Especially to a mother from whose body and blood the child came out from.

          When my son was maybe 5 years old, I “lost” him in a frenzy in the open market back home. I used to bring my kids to the market when they were little so we could choose together what's up for dinner and then rent some videos for the weekend. Suddenly, Duane was gone—as we entered a video store. I was in panic, I was hysterical inside. The next 20 or 30 minutes—I scoured the market, frantically asked vendors, ran to the police station—it was like I was suspended on midair, all oxygen in me was gone but I was moving in all directions. I froze yet my body was on a rush like I was driving 100s on a highway. My heart, my mind were all about Duane. I just didn't know what to feel, what to think—I just wanted him back.

           Then, a jeepney driver told me that Duane rode another jeepney to our house! Amazingly, my son knew what to do, where to go, and which jeepney to ride on to get home. He was already home when I got there. I held my son and just calmly said, “Never get lost again. Never.”

          And on my 47th birthday in 2007, while here in Asheville, Duane contracted a deadly virus from most likely, eating street food following flooding/typhoon in Manila. The virus was eating him up fast and rendered half of his body paralyzed in few hours. He needed shots or 5 or 7 vials of antibiotics badly, if not, he'd die. In those hours of waiting, on the other side of the (telephone) line across continents, I felt I died. I didn't want another year in my life, no more—just give those years to my son. I can give my life to my son anytime. He was 21 at that time.

           In 1995, I messed up my lungs so badly from overworking, not sleeping rightly, forgetting to eat, exhaustion. I collapsed, brought to ER and ICU. “Dead” for few minutes. In the haze, I cried out loud in that life-death stupor, “If there's a God and you are witnessing this—pull me out of this shit right now. I cannot leave my kids. Let me live for my kids, please!” The nurses and doctors later told me that it was close to a miracle that I survived. There was even a parish priest on my hospital bed.

          This is drama, I know... But hearing and listening stories of friends who lost their loved ones is no drama. That is life. That is love. That is humanity. That loss will stay in their heart and mind as they live. All my kids, now in their 20s, are healthy and intelligent, and so young and motivated. Any dreams that I built when I was young are dwarfed by the dreams that my kids pursue for themselves. Their joy and success bring more life to me. They are my heartbeat and my spirit. My life.

          “Cake,” the movie, fortunately ended in a good promising note. The grieving mother only had to accept that she was a good mother, she was—and she deserves life after the loss of her son. That life is a gift, not a bitter pill. Life is love. We will only embrace life after loss (of a loved one)—by accepting that good memories stay after they left. Only good memories. And those memories are the inspiration that makes us see light again.

More Politics and Stuff

SOMETIMES I think are we asking too much from our (prospective) leaders? We criticize them so badly when not all of what they promised during campaign aren't met. What about 6 out of ten, or 7 out of ten? Leaders can work things out better or realistically that way, I reckon. When dad or mom says, “I will buy you a new Buick, that doesn't necessarily mean you get the Buick tomorrow—and it's all paid up,” right? There is an exchange here as well. What about us, the people? Do we deliver what we should while our elected leaders find ways to deliver 100 percent of what we asked for? You see, we humans have also up the hedonism/consumerist scale a bit.   

          It was "better" when America rose from the Great Depression or Dust Bowl. People were fine with just enough stuff to live on and then go from there. That was the time when America slowly loomed as a world power. But then these days, it's tough. People aren't earning enough to pay bills yet we got lots of incendiary bills to pay which were never present before. Whoever wins the presidency, I hope he/she'd be able to work things out with corporate gods and foreign policy for the betterment of American lives. It doesn't have to be polar extremes where people choose between left and right. When we buy milk and potatoes or pay health insurance, it doesn't say partyline politics. It's all about the people. But as a people, we should also do our share of building a better community and a country. It's not all about a President.

POLITICS and SOCIETY. If we view societal/governmental issues with futility than hope then we are all fucked. What is the point of elections if we anticipate that these supposed leaders are going to abuse their powers anyway? We are just wasting time, effort and money. So what is the alternative? Maybe do a Fidel Castro/Muammar Qadaffi remedy? Cuba and Libya have better delivery of basic services but we (in a socalled democratic/free world) will always have something dark to say about those. Maybe let's just hope for the better and elect a president and other legislators that we think ar "less evil"? Well, I'd like to exude optimism amidst the apparent disillusionment. The world overcame the Great Depression (1929 to 1932). Back home in the Philippines, we did improve a lot after two decades of the Marcos regime. The only "solution" to our collective frustration is a full-blown bloody revolution. But do we want that? What we must do and convince voters about, especially those who are not reached by social media (and other media) is to vote smartly. Let us educate and advocate with hope of good change than annihilate and propagate based on doom. It's just that these days, there are more personality-obliterations than actual discussion of political platforms, hence the negative is accentuated more than projection of what these aspiring leaders could do to better our lives. Meantime, being positive works—and it also makes us less angry and grumpy.

POLITICS/HISTORY. Franklin D. Roosevelt is a sort of model for governance coming from the rubble. His New Deal worked but we are talking about more than a decade of leadership (1933-1945), that ended at the tailend of the Pacific War. It was a different era amidst differing socioeconomic and political variables. China was deep sleeping that time... Coming from the economic downturn of the 2000s, plus the fact that Americans are also divided by political correctness, food behavior, gender politics and environmental hug-trees brevity, then there's the resurgence of new immigrant population with different cultural truths--we need a leader who could somehow keep America tight despite this disconnect and diversity. Just a good and effective president. FDR was able to do that via New Deal. Or who was the president who enjoined confederates and union soldiers and African Americans and Irish immigrants and Chinese and Mormons to work on railroads (1863 and 1869)? Abraham Lincoln and Andrew Johnson? Tactical alliance. Of course, there will always be fights in diversity but once this divergence of thoughts and beliefs work for a common good, then there is hope.

TRUMP TALK and POLITICS. Why does The Donald entices a huge throng of believers? If we take time to figure things out objectively apart from sweepingly namecalling Trump supporters as racist morons, we probably would calm down a bit—and then devise strategies how to counter such an onslaught of prospective voters as election nears. That is, if you are a Democrat or just an anti-Trump person. Among other things beyond his foul-mouth that feeds fire out of the sleeping dragon's mouth, Trump isn't just fighting the Democrats—he is also busy fighting the GOP organization's elite. The Republican rank and file is cheering him on but the Tea Party is worried. Indeed, the GOP lost its voters to Donald Trump. An understatement. The D becomes the champion of the victimized underdog. People gravitate to demagogues of that sort. A voice... 

          Meantime, what should worry the Democrats? One Trump could beat a Democrat nominee, why? The schism between Bernie and Hillary is wide, it's divided. Only when their followers shake hands and consolidate vote could they have a chance to beat Trump. But if the "losing" (Dem) aspirant's people decide to not vote, then—doom is upcoming. More so, anti-Trumps must dig in and study why he gets these people and then restrategize how to draw them to the other side--than continue magnifying Trump's "evil" and downgrading his followers. Anti-Trumps should know how to defeat the guy. A dragon can't be defeated by concentrating on the fire that spews out of his mouth. Find out where the fire is emanating from and then work on it. 

Children and Internet

HOW do we teach kids and students about internet safety? Can we, really? It was an intense subject of PTA discussion in a Lakewood CA middle school (that I covered years ago). Should parents impose more restrictions, should the school system modify curriculum and introduce a new program to serve the purpose? Meantime, when a child's curiosity gets a bit too zealous, how do we block him/her from the alleged sexual predator, and other kinds of ogres lurking on the e-wall shadow? 

          PUT a password barrier, stabilize firewalls, buy some more anti-this/that apps and software? Remember the first time a child learns how to click the TV remote, or when a teenager first ferrets a Budweiser onto the crib, or a youth excitedly maneuvers his first sedan on a city back alley? Should we heighten the Restricted signs or PG advisories, or post more cops on the road, or should parents start checking every little post, selfie, shared video, Instagram, email etc that their kids send and receive 1001 times a day? Crazy, right?

          I HAVE a very old-school, maybe primitive remedy—or inroads to remedies, should I say. Truth of the time is—that iPad or laptop or iPhone will always be there. There will be a time when all human beings got a Smartphone, plugged in 24/7. Even an infant will be signed into a 5-in-1 Verizon plan, you reckon? So what do we do?

       

          I GUESS, we just have to not get tired of reminding our kids that people are not emoticons or avatars or emojis that they can control, one-click. People can be nice or rude in a playground, flea market, campus grounds, or dog park. That's real, breathing life—learn how to deal with truths afront. Games are not always Super Smash Bros or PvZ Garden Warfare. There are real games like little league baseball, soapbox derby and table tennis—or what about a real acoustic guitar and piccolo in favor of downloaded dubstep? With these, they can sweat funk out, and laugh aloud, and high-five friends, as well. “Surfing” could be something like paddling a boat in a recreational lake, and “texting” could rest on the dinner table and living room in favor of simply savoring the food blessing or speaking and talking with mouths open not heads bowed. Share some future dreams, travel wishes, and what happened in school today? Books are leafed pages, not electronic flashes on a tiny gadget that got lost in an ocean of legos and puzzle pieces in the den. Teach kids to wash dishes with hands, pick up stuff and things on the floor, fold laundried clothes, vacuum the floor on a weekend at least, build a backyard garden and care for it, walk the dog and have the duty to feed them whenever.
          GOOD ole children's chores when oldies like me were kids. Or in case you have extra dough, travel beyond the US—go to cultures where the internet is simply complementary to “offline” life. Or instead of purchasing more online games and Blu-Rays, why not extra money for saxophone tutorials or ballet classes? In this way, we don't have to get neurotic and paranoid that maybe our 12 or 13 year old boy maybe stealing glances at a Pornhub page or our little girl is chatting to a pedophile in the guise of a cool and awesome 12-year old. Children need to learn “internet safety” as they learn life and living taught by parents who are more concerned with the total well-being of a child, or future adult—not just how to wade around the internet. Computer technology could be as important as automobiles and microwaves—but humanity survive life and salvage wisdom without these. There are other aspects and concerns of life, apparently. We need to mold a child's mind, instead of conditioning their brain; we are raising kids who feel with their hearts because they hear, see, feel, and taste life—and not because all these are programmed, ready for the taking (or tapping, clicking).

          I REMEMBER an 18-year old daughter of a friend in Long Beach CA who went to Haiti for “fun and adventure” to help earthquake victims and came home totally a new human being. Now she questions dishwashers and washer-dryers (“Can we do these with our bare hands?”) cars and SUVs (“Walking is exercise”), cellphones (“There were 5 public phones in an entire village of 1500) video games (“We played soccer in the mud! Awesome!”) and television (“TV was like a moviehouse, scheduled for 35 villagers to watch one movie each week”) etc etcetera. Come to think of it, that's how I grew up. I may have gone old still a crazy dude, but I am proud to say that all my kids—although they use the internet and got cellphones—are still relatively old-school. Still, there are issues to deal other than a wireless abode, right? I'd rather worry about those...

          WHEN a child responds to, “Hey, did you check your Facebook today?” with, “I will for few minutes, I just need to finish this watercolor painting and I need to sleep early today for the volleyball game tomorrow,” then there is hope. No need to hire an “internet safety” tutor. Believe me, they know what “safe” is if their minds are working as natural reflex than brains that so quick at electronic response. 

[Last two photos: Me and Willow; my grandson Keian McMurray]

Love is not easy...

RELATIONSHIPS and marriage aren't easy. Of course, there are these sweet little daydreams like, “I found my soulmate!” “It feels like I've known him/her all my life,” “I finally found someone who knows the meaning of love,” or “He/she is my life's journey and destination!” All the honeymoon romances, courtship tenderness and dating confections... Truth is, all these simmer down or subside a bit as life turns more real than ideal, and love rails in rollercoaster rides than rolls in a hay of steamy clinches. So it's time for compromises and negotiations.

         

          Are we still going to hang out with the boys in the band for a $50 beer-money on a weekly gig, write manifestoes and grants for activist equals pro bono, smoke awesome herbs and rant about politics that didn't go our way for half a day, live in a house that doesn't exude co-existence anymore but a bohemian's lair, sustain madnesses that feed the “soul” than take on jobs that pay bills just because he/she supports and trusts? Etc etcetera.

          Are we still going to be the way we were when freedom flew like an adventuring albatross as a single individual with just morning coffee, evening wine and Herbie Hancock on turntable and on-time allegiance to “House of Cards” to worry about? Are we going to insist, “This is me! You have to accept the way I am!” or “You have to be friendly with all my friends because they are my friends!” or “I don't eat hummus and kale, I don't want those in my house” or “Don't mess with the living room, I want that Chinese imitation Picasso on that wall!” No, we can't.

          WE are two sets of truths mired in a singular vessel that floats in a turbulent sea of compromises and negotiations. Trust isn't just a word that is part of a serenade's lyricism anymore. Trust is now physically proven not pronounced. Respect isn't an awesome Aretha Franklin howl anymore. It is as simple as we are not man and woman in an enlightenment seminar or gender facts in survey board anymore. We are simply human beings under one roof. Acceptance isn't about political correctness or cultural understanding anymore. It is now about roses in a swamp or fish on land. Deal with it and work things out. 

         

More than anything else, love isn't about a Schubert sonata or a warm love poem anymore. I don't have a word for it but when I see friends and family who stick together through proverbial thick and think, storms and sunshines for many years and still managed to build and sustain stuff and things to leave their children and grandchildren, and the world at large—which is their love story and life's journey—then I know, it is possible. Very possible. But hard, very hard. I will be 55 years old this month... And in a long road trip to somewhere, when somewhere is always within me. Always inside of me. If I won't be able to find myself on the road, how am I supposed to co-exist with someone in a beautiful universe such as a home? If I can't accomplish that, then I will always be consigned on the road. Flying, running, searching until the sky caves in on me.