Words to my son on his recent marriage.

For Duane and Daiva.

"Planning" for/in marriage isn't really a plan. It's an interplay, an interface of energy--as situations evolve. Mystery to familiarity, enthusiasm to intrigues, excitement of discovery to obligatory boredom--as people around that matter and society moves along, we try to fit in. We don't know how things would play out. It's not an individual ideation anymore. Because of my childhood experience (in a huge family), I never planned to have kids then or even get married or be in a relationship at all.

 

       I was a late bloomer, even in sex. All my relationships essentially evolved from friendship. I didn't know courtship or flirting, believe it or not. I was totally clueless, especially when I was a teenager to my 20s. I wanted to travel and seek the world as a young man. Far away. But life happened when my "first-born," around circumstances that challenged my being more than I rationalized it. 

       And then those were dictatorship  years. I got involved more than I could give. And my life suddenly was different from how I planned it. I tried my best to be what I was as a father and partner but idealism was misunderstood more than realized in those days. I wish I could go back and rework my life. But all I say, I rode with how reality wind was as I held on to my valued principles. 

       But life isn't that way. Never. But we only realize it after the facts. Not before or during. 👩💝👨‍🦰