UNTIL
you finally felt in you that it's finally over, it's over. It's not
how many times you said sorry or how many times you've forgiven and
how many times you two decided to work it out that matter. When it's
over, it's over—when you finally quit rationalizing faults and
justifying reasons to try again, it's over. Time to close the door
and head out and move on. No looking back. The mental energy that
you've given and wasted away, the emotional drain that now infects
your muscles and fibers and sense of you—these scream at you then
settle in you late at night and early mornings as you begin another
day. You are a new person now.
I
don't believe that friendships are possible after a break up from a
supposedly committed and serious relationship. Love with another
person is the deepest friendship there is. You love him/her not just
because of how beautiful and brilliant and sweet the feeling was. You
admire/d the character and personality and wholeness of the
individual. We don't love a person by mere sexual fire or
intellectual admiration or whatever. We love the complete person and
then we give it all. So how can we be friends with someone that we
now resist and reject? Maybe out of convenience? Niceness? I don't
get it when some friends, “I love him (or her) forever...” Love
isn't categorize in different colors or shapes or forms. Love is
love. When it is broken it is broken—and brokenness sometimes had
to remain that way, thrown away and start a new you. Hangin' out with
a person that was the cause of your brokenness doesn't make you whole
again. You just have to let go. It is not anger or hatred—it is
closure. Let the person seek his/her new possibilities and tread a
fresh journey.
Those
intermittent break ups and making ups don't help either. In some
occasions, those quarrels only make either or both drift to another
person and engage in “friendly”/casual sex for temporary solace.
I maybe am judged as ultra-conservative for my stand but “cheating”
isn't really about a breach of trust with the person you love in
spite of the break up lull—it is actually cheating love itself.
Someone told me once that sleeping with other people at a time of
relationship turbulence is a “process” that a romantic/love
partnership goes through to strengthen themselves. Bullshit. It is a
very convenient way to slide to sexual gratification. Seeking solace
and comfort with another person need be done in a mutually naked
tryst? I cannot give my body to any other person, casually friendly
whatever, unless I already let go of my feelings for an ex,
irrelevant of a break up. Sex is not a drug, alcohol, or even a ride
on a sportscar across a winding seaside road. Sex makes love
physically real and felt and touched. So give it away just because
you were hurting and lonely and drunk?
So
I always tell my friends and kin who are mired in endless arguments
and break ups—to just leave and let go. That'd mean both or either
wants to compromise anymore or maybe they haven't at all. We cannot
be in a relationship and say we are still the individual person
wallowing in freedom as we were as when we're unattached. We cannot
be in a relationship and still say, “You can't stop me from doing
whatever I want to do!” or “Accept my world, 100 percent!” That
is a very selfish espousal of someone's love of him/herself than the
relationship. If that's the case, stay single.
Love
is great when it is surrender and acceptance, liberation and
redemption. Freedom is now done as two sets of truths melding as one.
Not anymore individual freedoms in separate worlds under a singular
accessible dance hall. Love only makes a person a better individual
in a relationship. Fights only make one worse. So if fights persist,
quit. Just quit.
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