Sunday, May 15, 2016

Breaking Up or Carrying On

IN my life, I have been witness to relationships that have gone past individual flaws and faults, weaknesses and limitations and carried onto decades of marital bliss or synergetic joy. Two people change for the better, realize their potentials—and evolve into beautiful human beings inside and out. Two people are able to kick and let go irksome habits and/or grave vices—from snoring, hygiene issues, indolence etc to control freakiness, alcoholism, sexual distance (or addiction) etc—to ways and deeds that reshape them into much better individuals to themselves and each other, their family and community at large.

          HOWEVER, the one thing that is almost impossible to fix, more often than not, is unfaithfulness. May it be random, “unintentional” flirting or consenting adult games—cheating is a disease (or cancer) that brings otherwise rational people down deep in the murk of human indecency and self-disrespect. More so, in unfaithfulness—we are dealing with not just one person, but two sets of energies. We may be able to forgive a partner after he/she quit the indiscretion but what if the other energy refuses to—or what if the lover stops but yours doesn't? Also, in this area of “interjection,” two people—no matter how “wrong” it could be—are involved in an emotional engagement and physical tryst. Hurt is imminent, mental abuse is present, and one gets pregnant and/or contracts ailments that could jeopardize as well the legal/real partner. And it's doubly costly to sustain two valentines as well, you reckon? LOL!
          WE cannot just say, “I am sorry, I don't want to see you again...” like we just given up “The Walking Dead” midstream of Season Two, and expect the other person to feel the same “I don't care” attitude after the fact. We are filling one's vacuum, although as a “kept woman/man” or just a “friend,” and so when we leave the “adventure,” that vacuum will bleed. There is already a violation of human emotional vulnerability. Our heart is not a video game or basketball, it is a heart that palpitates, alive... If the real partner couldn't fill up the emptiness of the other, whether it is emotional or sexual or financial, and it drives someone to seek solace in the other willing individual's arms (and other private parts), then formally/officially leave the one that is left waiting. Let the person seek his/her own joy while you pursue yours. Love doesn't hinge on convenience or ease, it wades and works around inconvenience and unease that ensue when a relationship is on its birthing/challenging phase. But if a person isn't going to fix troubles with the one he/she's with and instead seeks comfort somewhere else, leave that person. Let go.
          IN my life, I have let go of ex'es whom I felt were “double-thinking” and that indecision (to choose whom to be with) stayed delayed. Or I decided to break up in the case another man seemed filling the vacuums of my partner. Or if we both gave up fixing our own flaws and faults, and fought that we didn't really need to change, which is plain and simple, narcissism—then a mutual turn to quit happened. People break up and make up for a reason—not just because we said “I love you” or “I am sorry” 15 or 25 times a day.

          VULNERABILITIES are common in life and relationships—it's humanity. Material frivolities and silly fits—from hoarding Batman knick-knacks in the house to high-volume Bee Gees music all day, from over-shopping polka dot jammies to belching like Khaleesi's dragon, from monopolizing TV remote to intermittent road rages, from bad breath due to too much intake of beef jerkies to vodka addiction and annoying, expensive weed consumption etc etcetera. These things, we can always fix those—but when a partner gives more time and attention, or just drift to/with someone who could crack a joke better, earn better, kiss better, “understands” better, dances better, roll a joint better, cooks pho and padthai better... Well, better think harder and decide quick.
          LOVE is not a casino gambling chip or nickle slot machine. No matter how much you play, pennies or 100s, you are playing with human hearts, sensitivity and sensibility. You can't commodify that blessing to feel and give love. Don't lead an energy on and/or don't be led on by an energy—if you believe love is only with your real partner, wife/husband or boyfriend/girlfriend 100 percent. Don't flirt, don't falter, don't fuck up. Otherwise, if we cannot give up our freedom and independence that we so enjoy as a single person, then by all means--stay single. In a relationship, we compromise our ways and negotiate our truths and interface them under one roof or bedroom for common pleasure. We cannot ever wade on two rivers or eat two cakes with one mouth at the same time. It's common sense. Don't sink, don't choke.
          LOVE the one you're with. Then make love always.

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