Saturday, June 4, 2016

The Tragedy of Endless Relationship Fights

UNTIL you finally felt in you that it's finally over, it's over. It's not how many times you said sorry or how many times you've forgiven and how many times you two decided to work it out that matter. When it's over, it's over—when you finally quit rationalizing faults and justifying reasons to try again, it's over. Time to close the door and head out and move on. No looking back. The mental energy that you've given and wasted away, the emotional drain that now infects your muscles and fibers and sense of you—these scream at you then settle in you late at night and early mornings as you begin another day. You are a new person now.

          I don't believe that friendships are possible after a break up from a supposedly committed and serious relationship. Love with another person is the deepest friendship there is. You love him/her not just because of how beautiful and brilliant and sweet the feeling was. You admire/d the character and personality and wholeness of the individual. We don't love a person by mere sexual fire or intellectual admiration or whatever. We love the complete person and then we give it all. So how can we be friends with someone that we now resist and reject? Maybe out of convenience? Niceness? I don't get it when some friends, “I love him (or her) forever...” Love isn't categorize in different colors or shapes or forms. Love is love. When it is broken it is broken—and brokenness sometimes had to remain that way, thrown away and start a new you. Hangin' out with a person that was the cause of your brokenness doesn't make you whole again. You just have to let go. It is not anger or hatred—it is closure. Let the person seek his/her new possibilities and tread a fresh journey.

          Those intermittent break ups and making ups don't help either. In some occasions, those quarrels only make either or both drift to another person and engage in “friendly”/casual sex for temporary solace. I maybe am judged as ultra-conservative for my stand but “cheating” isn't really about a breach of trust with the person you love in spite of the break up lull—it is actually cheating love itself. Someone told me once that sleeping with other people at a time of relationship turbulence is a “process” that a romantic/love partnership goes through to strengthen themselves. Bullshit. It is a very convenient way to slide to sexual gratification. Seeking solace and comfort with another person need be done in a mutually naked tryst? I cannot give my body to any other person, casually friendly whatever, unless I already let go of my feelings for an ex, irrelevant of a break up. Sex is not a drug, alcohol, or even a ride on a sportscar across a winding seaside road. Sex makes love physically real and felt and touched. So give it away just because you were hurting and lonely and drunk?

          So I always tell my friends and kin who are mired in endless arguments and break ups—to just leave and let go. That'd mean both or either wants to compromise anymore or maybe they haven't at all. We cannot be in a relationship and say we are still the individual person wallowing in freedom as we were as when we're unattached. We cannot be in a relationship and still say, “You can't stop me from doing whatever I want to do!” or “Accept my world, 100 percent!” That is a very selfish espousal of someone's love of him/herself than the relationship. If that's the case, stay single.
          Love is great when it is surrender and acceptance, liberation and redemption. Freedom is now done as two sets of truths melding as one. Not anymore individual freedoms in separate worlds under a singular accessible dance hall. Love only makes a person a better individual in a relationship. Fights only make one worse. So if fights persist, quit. Just quit. 

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