Breaking up is hard to do

BREAKING up can be a bit comically surreal or disturbingly awkward. At least for me... Many times I get confused with the word. “Breakup.” Did I break up, I was supposed to have broken up, did I really. Janis (not her real name) was a really fun girlfriend when I was living in New York City years ago. She's a professional dancer—Broadway gigs, ballet and jazz dance instructor, too. She also crafts trinkets and designs stage get-ups for bands (whether they like it or not). “Okay, I am now officially your stylist, guys!” That's after we broke up... The day after we called it quits, about 12 hours past, she called me, “Dude, wanna go see Yo La Tengo tonight?” I was like, we just broke up, lady! “What do you mean see Yo La Tengo?” / “I mean, see you La Tengo, hello???” So I was confused. On the middle of the night, she'd barge in my apartment to borrow my Thesaurus which she can easily obtain online or bring a DVD and, “My VCR broke down, dude. Can I see this movie here? You don't have to watch with me. You don't like love story shit, right?” (That's after she already ushered the movie to play.)

          I ALSO had an ex, Pam (also not her real name, okay?) a schoolteacher. We were together for almost three years. Every Thanksgiving or Christmas, or anytime she felt like it, she hits the road to see her folks out of state. Each time in the year after we broke up—she'd swing by my place, on her way to parents and/or back, to “hang and chill, grab a beer or two for old time's sake” etc. Of course, the “etcetera” can be a bit tricky, feelin' me? “You were the one who always had an answer to every little shit...” then the drama ensues—about her mom, her boss, her career, her side mirror, her cat, her pinky, her funny bra, her missing jammy top... Then the “etcetera” gets in the way in the guise of “friendship,” “hangin' around” and “just having fun.” You know what I'm sayin'?

         SO whenever I break up, I just close the freakin' door and shut it. How am I supposed to move on with my present life and head to a future—if the past is right there on my sorry face, reminding me time and again of stuff and things that could have been, and where I messed up? If “friendship” still works with an ex, then maybe a relationship will still work—because you are talking and being cool with each other. That'd be cool, say it—go for it, maybe it's mutual. Good luck... Otherwise, why still see an ex? Because she pays for the handcrafted beer or she's good at crafting trinkets?

         OF course, there are exceptions to the rule—there are always exceptions to the rule... And I have some of those. I had ex'es that are good friends of mine, but you know what I'm sayin'. When we take off from a relationship, we knew we did it because it's over. Otherwise why the dafuq still see her? For what? Borrow her GPS because I forgot where Walmart is? Or seek comments to chapter 7 of my book? Or see Yo La Tengo? Or maybe she left her missing jammy top in my bed? LOL!